23 Jan

Bank Survival Tips

Visiting the bank is occasionally a necessary chore. If I must physically enter a bank, I try to heed the following advice from the voice in my head:

  • Don’t go at lunchtime. That’s when everyone else goes and you’ll all be tapping your feet (in impatience, not to a rhythm).
  • Respond politely to old ladies’ remarks about the weather while you’re queuing, but don’t get yourself invited over for tea and cookies or entangled in a debate about anything 21st century vs In Her Day.
  • Consider bankers’ advice about opening new accounts but don’t make any decisions until you’ve done your own research. It’s their job to sell you on new bank promotions. There are always hidden fees, taxes etc to consider.
  • Prepare to be asked a bunch of questions about your finances. When I banked my first AdSense check it caused somewhat of sensation at the local bank and I was bombarded with questions about how, why, who, and what I was doing getting Google checks when I wasn’t American, and was it somehow Lord of the Rings related (although what in the name of Sauron LOTR has to do with Google is beyond me).

How to avoid the bank

  • Bank over the phone, or online (not in an internet cafe, though). Many banks have excellent websites these days, and it’s also a handy way to check out other banks and their deals to make sure you’re getting the best rates for your money.
  • Stuff all your money into your socks. Might get uncomfortable, though.

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3 Responses to “Bank Survival Tips”

  1. Ling Says:

    Um…Should you be even visiting a bank if you hear voices in your head? If you do have to go, never carry a pen and do not offer to fill up a form for some old lady. Both are extremely hazardous ventures. Pens don’t come back if you lend them, and old ladies don’t go away. More and more of them start lining up for help.

  2. Rhys Says:

    Moral of the story - remain on good terms with an ex who is also conveniently a banker. Everything goes through her ;)

  3. richminx Says:

    Damn, I don’t have an ex who is a banker! Rhys, you are so organized :)

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