Blog Minx

I have had a Zen-ful of life improvement tips on the internet. I cannot improve any more. I exercise, I reflect, I donate, I read, I hug trees and I drink chamomile tea while gazing peacefully over the hills and dales as a little stream bubbles near my feet.

It is time to throw off the chains of life improvement and revel in our faults. I, Rich Minx, will advise.

(Disclaimer: These steps are not meant to replace any medication you are on. Use at your own risk.)

1. Complain.
Stats too low? Earnings weak? Got a twinge in your back from hours hunched over the computer? Shout your dissatisfaction from the rooftops. Be like Marvin the Paranoid Android (right) in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. “Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust or just fall apart where I’m standing?”

2. Veg out.
Lie in your pajamas in front of the TV and watch trashy TV with the drapes closed. Aim for midday talk shows. Talk to the TV a little bit, especially if it’s Dr Phil. “That money for strippers could pay for your kids’ college tuition!” Meanwhile, eat chips and ice cream and pies and drink soda.

3. Procrastinate.
Got a list of things to do? Delete it, or throw it away. It will get in the way of your target procrastination. Ignore calendar alerts. Stare into space with your head slightly tilted.

4. Sleep in as long as you wish.
We all want to sleep in. Remember the scene in Office Space where Peter’s been hypnotized to just do what he wants and he stays in bed all day? Ahh….

5. Surf aimlessly.
We’re always told to use internet time constructively by surfing to research, to analyze, to learn. Don’t. Let your surfing take you where it will. Spend longest on the celebrity gossip websites.

6. Go for instant gratification.
Frugal, schmugal. Throw off shopper’s guilt for a change. Want that shirt in the window? Just buy it. When you feel bad the next day, follow #1.

7. Drink yourself more bliss. (As a famous Kiwi song goes.)
Tomorrow be damned. Stay out all night. Sing songs loudly. Dance like you’re in Flashdance. Wake up in some interesting new location. Almost as good as a holiday.

Did you relate to these tips? How do you un-improve your life when things are running smoothly?