7 Classic Ways To Un-Improve Your Life
I have had a Zen-ful of life improvement tips on the internet. I cannot improve any more. I exercise, I reflect, I donate, I read, I hug trees and I drink chamomile tea while gazing peacefully over the hills and dales as a little stream bubbles near my feet.
It is time to throw off the chains of life improvement and revel in our faults. I, Rich Minx, will advise.
(Disclaimer: These steps are not meant to replace any medication you are on. Use at your own risk.)
1. Complain.
Stats too low? Earnings weak? Got a twinge in your back from hours hunched over the computer? Shout your dissatisfaction from the rooftops. Be like Marvin the Paranoid Android (right) in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. “Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust or just fall apart where I’m standing?”
2. Veg out.
Lie in your pajamas in front of the TV and watch trashy TV with the drapes closed. Aim for midday talk shows. Talk to the TV a little bit, especially if it’s Dr Phil. “That money for strippers could pay for your kids’ college tuition!” Meanwhile, eat chips and ice cream and pies and drink soda.
3. Procrastinate.
Got a list of things to do? Delete it, or throw it away. It will get in the way of your target procrastination. Ignore calendar alerts. Stare into space with your head slightly tilted.
4. Sleep in as long as you wish.
We all want to sleep in. Remember the scene in Office Space where Peter’s been hypnotized to just do what he wants and he stays in bed all day? Ahh….
5. Surf aimlessly.
We’re always told to use internet time constructively by surfing to research, to analyze, to learn. Don’t. Let your surfing take you where it will. Spend longest on the celebrity gossip websites.
6. Go for instant gratification.
Frugal, schmugal. Throw off shopper’s guilt for a change. Want that shirt in the window? Just buy it. When you feel bad the next day, follow #1.
7. Drink yourself more bliss. (As a famous Kiwi song goes.)
Tomorrow be damned. Stay out all night. Sing songs loudly. Dance like you’re in Flashdance. Wake up in some interesting new location. Almost as good as a holiday.
Did you relate to these tips? How do you un-improve your life when things are running smoothly?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Posted
on
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
under
I justy loved the way you put it across, specially the fourth point which father repeats a zillion times, “Sleep in as long as you wish”
September 4th, 2007 at 3:19 pmI personally recommend #7. I’m most productive when I’m drunk.
September 4th, 2007 at 10:06 pmYou see, where you went wrong was the chamomile tea. You’re not meant to drink it, woman.
September 4th, 2007 at 11:07 pmAnother one I would suggest is staying up way to late working on your blogs - I always pay for this 10 fold the next day because I end up doing 1 through 7 in their entirety.
The Internet Cash Flow Guy
September 5th, 2007 at 4:01 amyou are too funny. boy have i un-improved my life this past weekend with alot of these tips. although i didn’t go back to #1 that often, maybe it’s time for a change :). minx you are hilarious!
September 5th, 2007 at 5:15 amSing it sister! I frequently advise friends to “un-improve” their lives, and they always think I’m nuts. But sometimes you just need to let loose and not think of all the things that normally crush your brain and your spirit. I vegged out on Sunday afternoon, drinking a few brews whilst watching tennis. A great way to spend the day, IMHO.
September 5th, 2007 at 9:57 amI used to have a t-shirt that said “Find a purpose in life…be a bad example.”
September 5th, 2007 at 10:25 pmEver since I’ve had success with your 7 point action plan; that’s what it is right?
I *adore* these. I’m still in my pyjamas, and if I could throw my kids off of the tv remote, then I’d be watched Dr Phil, too.
I must repeat my positive affirmation: “Tomorrow my children go back to school and I can be a vegetable once more…”
September 6th, 2007 at 1:20 amGreat post. I deleted the to do list and all my emails a couple of years ago and it felt good.
September 6th, 2007 at 3:08 amThanks, finally a list I actually want to do.
September 6th, 2007 at 4:01 pmFound this through snoskred’s blog and had to laugh. I work just a few hours a week and spend the rest of my time un-improving my life. Nothing like being stress free. I try to tell all my friends who are constantly stressed from doing and not resting. Seems they just don’t want to know……..
September 10th, 2007 at 6:03 pmLOL. A refreshing read after a lot of ’self-improvement’ pages. A good laugh with just a hint of frustration!
September 12th, 2007 at 9:15 pmThis is Great! A 7 point plan of how to destress your life. When done in moderation, it can actually improve it.
February 27th, 2008 at 6:05 am